this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
