she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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