please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
