I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize