Fuck appropriateness.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
