Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
