I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
