I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just want to make out with him forever
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
