margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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