I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
