worst night to have a conscience
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
