If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
