i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
