He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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