Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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