i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
