Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
