Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize