I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize