Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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