saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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