Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
