I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize