Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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