She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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