I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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