i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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