i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
