and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
