Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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