youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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