Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
