Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
