Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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