We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
