girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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