just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This is the high leading the old right now
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
