Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
