Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
