You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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