who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
