I have demons in me.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize