i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
