She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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