ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
