I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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