thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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