I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
