oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
