you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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