Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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