We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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