You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
