obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
