omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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