My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
