If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
