Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
