i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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