thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
