dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
