well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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