I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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