i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
