um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
