Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
