I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
