Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
