He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
