Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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