Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
