i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
