Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
