I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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