i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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